My Greatest Fear Came True.

Dear Diary (and whoever else stumbles upon this vulnerable moment),

I never thought I'd be sitting here, pouring my heart out about the very thing I dreaded most. But here we are, and I'm feeling... well, I'm not quite sure how I'm feeling.

You see, when I decided to close my salon, my mind was plagued with one overwhelming fear: losing my identity. I was so sure that my ego was intricately tied to being "The Salon Owner" - you know, that put-together boss babe who had it all figured out. Oh, how wrong I was.

The day I handed over the keys, I expected to feel a seismic shift in who I was. But the earth didn't move. The sky didn't fall. Instead, something far more subtle and, frankly, terrifying happened.

I realised I had no bloody idea who I was anymore.

It turns out, I'd been running on autopilot for so long that everything - from my makeup routine to my wardrobe choices - had become a well-rehearsed performance. And now, with the curtains closed and the stage lights dimmed, I found myself staring at a stranger in the mirror.

Here I am, 35 years old, having what can only be described as a full-blown identity crisis. Half my wardrobe is strewn across the floor because suddenly, I can't figure out what I actually like to wear. Am I a black-and-white monochrome maven? Or do I secretly yearn for a explosion of colour that would make a rainbow jealous?

Some days, I want to channel my inner "boss babe" and strut around in power suits. Other days, I'm drawn to flowy bohemian dresses that make me feel like I should be frolicking in a field of wildflowers (midlife crisis, anyone?).

The truth is, I'm still trying to figure out what a 35-year-old should be wearing. But then I catch myself - who says there's a "should" at all? Maybe the beauty of this crisis is the freedom to be whoever I want, whenever I want.

So here I am, dear diary, in the midst of what feels like a cosmic joke. My greatest fear came true, but not in the way I expected. I didn't lose my identity - I discovered I never really knew it in the first place.

And you know what? As terrifying as it is, it's also exhilarating. I'm like a blank canvas, ready to be painted with whatever colours feel right in the moment. Some days might be a Jackson Pollock, others a Monet, and that's okay.

To anyone out there feeling lost, questioning who they are without their usual labels - I see you. We're in this beautiful mess together. And maybe, just maybe, not having it all figured out is the greatest adventure of all.

Here's to embracing the chaos, to trying on a hundred different versions of ourselves, and to laughing at the absurdity of it all. After all, life's too short for a capsule wardrobe when you could have a costume party every day.

With love, confusion, and a wardrobe that's seen better days,

Phoebe xx